I'll shoot the moon

8.14 AM, Borås, Sweden

Dear diary,

This is getting far too usual, this delay between updates, so I'm not even going to explain why. I often find myself sitting here, clicking that "new post" button, and then just sitting there staring at the blank page, trying to find a reason why I should trouble myself with coming up with anything to write down. It's not like I'm an interesting person nowadays. I mean... I have a lot of stuff I could write about, stuff that interests me... but rarely no one I know has the same interest in those things. This is supposed to be a diary anyway, and it would be kinda' weird to publish anything else than diary entries.

Anyway, what's been up? Keeping myself busy? Not really. I was supposed to start studying a couple of weeks ago, and actually looked forward to it a tiny bit. But as soon as I got there, and sat down in that room together with all the other people, a feeling of insecurity and anguish rushed over me and I nearly freaked out and ran out of there. I've never felt more misplaced anywhere in my whole life - I mean, the people there... school dropouts, immigrants who could barely speak Swedish, single moms who've realized they can get more cash from studying than they get from child support and other lowlifes. I know I'm so much better than all these fuckers, so I went straight down to their office and quit school again. I knew I wouldn't be able to handle working together with all that scum, and besides, the only reason I go to school is so I can get money to survive. I'm smarter than most people already, and even though I don't mind studying, I prefer to do it in another environment than that.

And also... we've lost yet another drummer. Tommy moved back to his hometown, leaving us empty-handed. Though we've been getting slightly used to standing without a complete lineup for the band, this came as an unexpected blow to my dreams. Once again, doubt has arisen within the band, and I fear we'll never get this thing going if something isn't done about it. So that's why I'm movin' back to Jönköping. To get closer to the band, to rehearsals, to my friends, and hopefully that'll do the trick. It was a hard decision, expecially considering how much I like this town and the people in it, but in the end, my dream had to be taken into perspective. And I'd do anything to reach the top, and I believe this is only one of the sacrifices that has to be made to reach that place. Today I'll be going down to my landlords office to sign the papers, and 3 months from now, I'm hopefully ready to settle in down there. It's not like there's a great distance between the two towns anyway, just a one hour ride by car or bus and you're there, but the difference lies in the attitude of the people. Everyone in Jönköping seems to be so damn uptight and introvert, totally lacking the ability to let loose or take things less seriously. But maybe that's just to our advantage, since it's going to be easier for a band like us to stand out in the crowd. Either way, I'm outta here in 3 months.

Doing some laundry right now, and feeling a bit tired from being up all night. I've been feeling dizzy for the last two days now, like someone has hit me in the head or something, and also, my vision is weird, as if my eyes have suddenly moved and inch into my skull. Don't know why, but I hope it goes away soon. Uh... yeah, that's about it for now... I guess. Some coffee would be nice... I'll go make myself a cup.

Later.