Restless heart, restless mind

6.33 PM, Borås, Sweden

Today's soundtrack;

• Blackrain - Innocent Rosie

Dear diary,

Thought I'd try something new tonight. Instead of sitting here writing a full post at the same time, I'll just post whatever I'm thinking of and how I'm feeling for a few hours ahead. That'll at least give me an idea of how much my mood swings back and forth from euphoria to depression. So... let's give it a shot.

6.35 PM

Just saw a post on Facebook from Arjana, my old girlfriend, that basically said she's about to get breast implants. I can't help but feel that old jealousy coming back to me, 'cause bigger tits mean more attention, and I'd love to have a girl everyone's talking about (and would like to fuck). Especially when it's someone I've been that close to. But hey, it's been over 4 years since we broke up... and still, we had the best sex I've ever had. Maybe that's why I miss her so at some times. My mind won't stop fucking with my head.

7.34 PM

Talking to our new drummer (hopefully) on MSN, and getting really psyched about getting together and play again. This time it feels different... I mean, it's all there, the dreams, the anticipations, the positive feeling... only this time it feels like we're actually are gonna make it. We've been doing this for so long now, without getting a single bit further down the road to stardom, but maybe it's our time now. My plan will take us there, and I believe I've found the right people to make it work out. Feels great.

9.23 PM

Something's wrong. No matter how long I sleep, I'm still tired when I wake up. Today I woke up at 7 AM, stayed awake until 10 AM and then fell asleep again and slept until 5 PM. It's not healthy, and I can't seem to shake this feeling that nothing really is worth doing any longer. I get up, get something to eat, have a cigarette, and then go back to sleep again. Worthless.

10.24 PM

Watching a Quiet Riot concert from 1984... damn, they were so good back then. I'm sitting here, trying to find a name for the band.... which has turned out to be harder than I could ever imagine. Either everything's already taken, or it doesn't fit our style. We need something that is easy to remember, something that looks good on the huge advertisements and something that you can play around with a bit. If you have a good name, please tell.

11.47 PM

Oh fuck... me and my dumb, stupid fucking heart. Just heard from Jessica that a girl whom I've been watching for a while now is single again. And yeah, you're right, the 3-year old in me comes out in the spotlight again. "I want." It's a fucking mantra, repeated inside my head over and over again until it drives me mad, and after that it continues and drives me even madder, and after that... you get the point. I should stay the fuck away from relationships, I know that. You know that. But my fucking God, she is gorgeous, and everyone wants her. Only problem, she's attractive - I'm not. I've got to make some changes again. Looks that kill.