Panic

6.30 AM, Borås, Sweden

Today's soundtrack;

• Sun Kil Moon - Carry Me Ohio

Dear diary,

I guess I knew it all along... I couldn't maintain even the slighest feeling of happiness for long. I'm falling again, this time the feeling of loneliness is suffocating me slowly. I know I'm not alone, I know she's there for me, and for that, I love her. But when I'm left with myself, the only thing I hear is my mind whispering poisonous words to me. I tried to get some sleep earlier tonight, and probably had an anxiety attack while sleeping. I woke up in panic, and found some Triazolams I had left in my bag... and of course I had too many...

I'm feeling dizzy and short of breath... my heart isn't beating as it should, but it doesn't even when I'm not on medication, so that's no news I guess... I dreamt about so many horrible things, things that have happened, things that could happen and things too dreadful to even write about here... you wouldn't want to hear about it anyway. I'm gonna take the rest of the Triazolams now and see if I can pass out. Sometimes I wish I didn't wake up again.

I feel so lost... I don't know where I'm going, and I barely know where I've been. I can't handle this... fuck...

Night...