Sunday, October 24, 2010

Away with these nightmares



4.05 AM, Jönköping, Sweden


Dear diary,

Should've been asleep by now, but instead I got stuck on some random video-page, watching fail-videos and random clips for about 3 hours. Total fucking waste of time. Which is all I do nowadays. Wasting time, wasting possibilities, wasting talent, wasting dreams - wasting life. And it has come to the point where I am totally helpless, I can't change the situation even if I wanted to, I lack the strength to drag myself out of this hole I've fallen into, which creates so much anger inside of me that I'm afraid I'm going to burst in a thousand pieces at any given moment. There is so much I want to accomplish, and time is running out. Let's face it - I'm worthless, and too damn proud to admit it to myself, so I'll keep on planning, keep on dreaming, keep on thinking that maybe one day I'll be strong enough to get to where I want, only to realize that it's too late - and has been for decades.

A bullet to my head would be the best solution, that way all this anguish, anger and suffering would end, and I'd take my dreams to my grave where they would rest peacefully for once. I'm so tired of this... so tired of everything.... just so tired...

2 comments:

  1. Don't you fucking dare.
    Du borde ha spö för att ens halvtänka tanken!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Jag hoppas du förstår att det fina med dig är att du åtminstione vågar drömma. Och jag vet att du kan nå dit du vill, för jag har sett hur talangfull du är, hur du brinner för det och jag vet hur smart du är.
    PUSS

    ReplyDelete