Monday, January 18, 2010

Happiness is

9.30 PM, Borås, Sweden

There are things I've done I can't erase
I want to look in the mirror, see another face
I said never would I do it again
I want to walk away, start over again

No more rain
No more roses
On my way, shake my thirst in a cool, cool pond

There is a winner in every place
There is a heart that's beating in every page
The beginning of it starts at the end
When it's time to walk away and start over again

I haven't felt this love for music in a long time. I've been listening to Tom Waits from time to time before, but never really listened to it, while reading the lyrics at the same time. And that was when it struck me, the full aspects of the love of music, the thing that I live and breathe. I'm having great trouble putting it into words, even at this moment of clarity and inspiration. I suppose I'm hitting another high tonight, and I'm going to enjoy it as long as it lasts. Soon it may be over for this time, and I'm falling down into that dark place again.

I have to break this habit, I have to set myself free from the chains that bind me. My life will never be worth living as long as I'm imprisoned by this mental illness, this motherfucker that has taken place inside my head. I met Zandra today, first time since we broke up. It felt nice, after all I feel like I can be myself around her. I guess this is harder to her than me, but that was the way it had to be. Maybe we can have a friendly relationship instead.

I intended to write a bit longer today, but I kinda' ran out of things to write. For now, at least. Guess I'll be going back to listening to the sweet tunes of Tom Waits and let the night unfold as it should. Later.

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