Sunday, August 2, 2009

Play dirty

3.19 PM, Borås, Sweden

Dear diary,

Louis just left after spending the night here, and in some way it feels like my sanity is leaving with her... When I'm left to my own devices, I go insane. Everything I've been trying to hold back while in the company of others come rushing back in the speed of light, and strikes me with instant paranoia, anguish and pain. I'm like a mental patient, in constant need of monitoring so that he doesn't hurt himself or anyone else. I really can't express in only words how much her company means to me. Thanks, baby.

So today I was supposed to be in Jönköping to rehearse with the band... but I guess we're not a band anymore. Our drummer joined a bigger, more successful band, so I guess that's the end of the story. I won't go into details, but regardless what "some" people say, I think it's over. Lack of motivation, perhaps? Or just a fucked up attitude towards those you call your friends? Anyway, I'm done with this shit now. I put all my focus and energy on this, gave everything, and it just fucking backfired, so no more. I'm through with music, and by the looks of it, music's through with me. I'm just gonna fade away quietly, like everyone else.

No plans for today, maybe meet Louis again tonight if she's up for it. I still have some alcohol left, so I guess I'm gonna get smashed tonight again. With the risk of repeating myself;



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