Saturday, August 8, 2009

Your arms feel like home

6.33 AM, Borås, Sweden

Today's soundtrack;
  • The Spill Canvas
Dear diary,

It feels like I'm sleeping my way through life. Everything has become an undistinguishable void, days and hours blur together and I'm losing track of time and space. I'm getting painfully aware that I'm becoming more and more apathetic, and the worst thing is I can't do a damn thing about it. I've lost my motivation to pretty much everything. Just getting out of bed in the morning (or whenever I wake up) is a difficult task that takes a whole lot of will power. I sit around in front of my laptop all day and night, occasionaly leaving my apartment when I need to buy some food or go downtown to do something together with Louis. Except for that, everything is just... empty. Nothing to look forward to, nothing planned, nothing at all that makes me use my creativity, and it is so demoralizing that I'm beginning to fear that one day I will not make it out of my bed, lacking the energy and motivation to do anything else than sleep the days away. And then, life is over for me. When I've lost the spirit, my will to live and become something, that is the day I die, whether it'll be by my own hand or with the aid of someone else.

I need something that wakes me up from this terrible nightmare. Anything, anyone. Just help me.

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