Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Dead lover's lane

02.50 AM, Småland, Sweden

Dear diary.

As I'm going through all my things tonight, packing them in boxes and throwing a lot of stuff away that I won't be needing in my new apartment, I find myself getting lost in all the memories of my past life. I found a box filled with memories I keep close to my heart, opened it and saw all those things that are history now, but I have kept to get back to whenever I feel lost. I read Tina's last letter to me, and it still smelled of her perfume. The weight of the past came crushing down on me and made my heart almost stop... as I went on to read all those letters, and touch all those things they have given me as gifts... I realized I have had quite a ride so far in life. Since the age of 13 and on, life has been a constant merry-go-round, a chaos, a bit blurry around the edges... but so far, it has been one hell of a ride. I'm 22 years old this year, far too old for my own taste, but I can't do a damn thing about it, except hold myself in denial... which I'll keep doing, for the record.

So many times I've been close to the edge, and I've even fallen off a few times, but always returned with new wings, even if they're made of lead. Life is falling constantly, they say, and I'm starting to believe I've finally found out how to spread my wings and enjoy the ride down to the abyss. This is a "memory-night" for sure, and I'm listening to all this music that brings back memories... The Birthday Massacre is for Marlene, Sun Kil Moon is for Tina, and HIM is for... myself, really...

Anyway, tomorrows gonna be calm, as usual. I'm maybe going in to Vaggeryd to meet Caroline, but we'll see about that. I'm beginning to get psyched about the Peace & Love festival, we're leaving the 21th of June for Borlänge, and will be staying there until the 28th of June. It's gonna be wonderful, getting drunk with all my friends, not thinkin' about anything. Just enjoying life to the fullest.

Ah, I'd better get back to packing my shit...

Night ladies

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