Sunday, September 27, 2009

Wrapped in your arms

4.46 AM, Borås, Sweden

Is this the whole picture
Or is it just the start?
Is this the way you love me?
You're capturing my heart
I used to try and walk alone
But I've begun to grow
And when you tell me just to rest
I'm finally letting go
I let go

Dear diary,

Drunk once again, and should probably be lying in bed by now if it wasn't for the absence of someone to be lyinq there with. Yeah, I'm going to bed alone tonight again, and it feels horrible. Tonight was great, really, went to Elli's place together with Sebastian, Jessica and her friend Hanna. We played Guitar Hero, watched The Ring and played some pool while drinking and having a great time together. I enjoyed being around people I feel I can trust, and it was really interesting to finally meet Hanna after all this time. We've been conversating via different internet communities for almost a year now, and to be honest, she was even more beautiful in real life than any picture I've ever seen of her. I've had my eyes on her for the whole evening, unable to focus on anything else. When I finally got to hold her in my arms, it felt like paradise... which leads me to tonights big question; Why the hell do I get so easily infatuated with people? I mean, a couple of days ago it was Nala who stole my attention merely by smiling in a video I found on her Netlog, and now it's this girl who've caught my attention. Big time. Yeah, I don't even bother to try and hide it anymore, people can say whatever they want. I still have a free will, and I intend to use that will to do whatever I want to do. I just can't get her out of my mind. We left Elli's place at 12 AM, and intended to sleep at Sebastian's place tonight, but because of Jessicas angry father, she and Hanna had to stay at her place, so me and Sebastian went into town alone in search for a party. We didn't find anything of interest, so instead we sat down and talked about pretty much everything for 2 hours or so. It felt great to get to know him better, we really get each other totally, not only because of our common love for music, but also because we're really alike in a lot of ways.

Still, I wanted to spend the night together with her... she's just everything I've been looking for in a girl. But she's probably tied up with everyone else, and it seemed like she has enough stalkers already. I'm going to be realistic about this matter and accept the fact that I'm not something she would ever get interested in. It hurts, but the truth always does, doesn't it? Damn right. I don't know if this is yet another one of my "I'm all alone, keep me company through the night"-periods, 'cause I'm sure as hell not ready for another relationship, not yet at least. And still, she feels so right. Maybe I'll get over it in a couple of days, a couple of days of obsessing over her pictures and messages that is... Ah hell, I can barely see straight right now, so I'm off to bed. Later y'all.

1.23 PM

You know... you should have learned by now that I write a lot of stupid shit when I'm drunk, so next time, at least try to stop me. But I guess it's more honest when I'm writing under the influence of illegal substances or alcohol. Still... some people may take offense from what I'm writing, but hey, if it hurts, don't read it? So just to make things clear - I'm being realistic and will try and forget about her, otherwise I just end up hurting myself. Done.


  1. I think I'm waiting for someone who can actually see me for who I am.
    Thank you for holding me that night.

  2. jag tänker inte säga mer än att du sårar henne.. :/