Thursday, September 3, 2009

Save us

1.55 AM, Borås, Sweden

Today's soundtrack;
  • The Kin - the "Rise and Fall" album.
Dear diary,

I guess it's time for an update, but as usual, I have trouble finding both the courage and the energy to begin dealing with what goes on inside my head. But let's give a shot, shall we? Here's a quick sitrep.

- Attraction is no more. Just a couple of days ago, out of nowhere, our guitarist decided to join another band, of course without telling us. So once again, it's just me and Johan left. For now, at least.

- I've been spending the weekend in Småland, partying with my friends (and non-friends, too!). All in all, I had a great time though.

- Because of the obvious band issues, we didn't rehearse as planned on Sunday.

I believe there are a few other things worth telling you about, but since there are other people reading this (curious motherfuckers!) I think it's best to leave it out of here, to protect the guilty and the innocent. So... about that sudden band break up, if you can call it that. Ever since Makkey left us to play with Danger, things haven't been that positive, and I felt as if I was the only one who wanted to continue playing. We had trouble to get everyone together and rehearse, everyone was busy doing something else and never wanted or could rehearse. And come to think of it, that makes the whole "we don't rehearse often enough"-thing our guitarist said was the reason he left us kinda strange. But anyway, we're not a band anymore, but I'm determined to find a new band as fast as possible. I have been talking to another band from Jönköping, but they've not decided if they're interested yet. They only want a lead singer, but if things turn out right I can bring Johan with me and maybe replace their old bass player. I wouldn't want to leave him anyway, we've been planning to form a band for too long to let go of our dream now. Which leads me to another issue. I will try to choose my words carefully.

I fear I'm losing my best friend. Me and Johan have been friends for almost ten years now, and I feel our friendship has grown stronger for every passing year. We've been through so much crazy stuff together, everything from breaking into places to creating music together, and I can honsetly say he truly is my very best friend. And for the last few months, we have been drifting away from each other. We don't see each other as often as we used to, he is often occupied with his job or with his girlfriend, and I sometimes felt neglected, but when we met we always had a great time together. But now, something has changed. Ever since he started spending time together with "her" (yeah, you know I mean YOU) and her friends, and ever since she got her grudge against me, for reasons unknown, he has started to turn away from me. Until now, I have been able to accompany them, but since the last dispute between "her" and me, things have turned real sour. It has now gotten to the point where I can no longer spend time with him, as long as he's in their company, and she knows that. Whether it's a devilish plan, or pure fucking malice, she is slowly and effectively prohibiting me from spending time with my best friend.

As much as I'd like to tell her to fuck off and leave my friends alone, he has a will of his own, and today I got the message that he'd rather spend time with them, because he didn't want to "choose between friends", and that pretty much tells me everything about his intentions. So now he'll be going to Stockholm on the 7th to watch a Mr.Big concert together with her and Makkey. As she put it, they are her best friends, and she didn't want me to come along because I wasn't her friend any longer. Strange how that works, eh? From being close, to being a total stranger, all because of her jealousy. I'd better stop writing about this now, before I start getting real unfriendly. But give me a sharp object, a dark alley and her in it...

So... yeah, things could be better. At least I'm not burdened by all my debts any longer, my father received his payment for the auction of our farm at home, and has payed all my debts, which is a considerable amount of money. I have the best father ever, and he has always been supportive no matter how bad I've behaved in the past against them. Thanks, dad, for being there for me.

Except for that, there are a million other thoughts floating around inside my head, and I feel I can't let them out all at once. That would probably cause another panic attack, and I'm sure as hell doing fine without that. I'll be going back to Småland this morning to help my sister move into her new apartment, hopefully I'll be able to catch a train back to Borås in the evening. Until then.

"It's late september and all I remeber is you dear
With falllen leaves I get back on my knees to surrender
Why did you run?
Why did you run?
When I'm right here
It's all gonna be the same, when you get there.

Now that we see the signs can we walk this line together?
Now that we know it's time can we walk this line together?"

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