Tuesday, May 19, 2009

What I bleed without you

05.00 AM, Falköping, Sweden

Dear diary.

Alright, alright... I know yesterday didn't make any sense. But that's only 'cause it didn't - not in any way. I've never tried those pills before, and that fucking nightmare came rushing over me. But I won't apologize to you, you listen to this shit no matter how fucked up I am.

Let's get started with my day today; total fucking waste of time, space, air and brain capacity. Nothing creative at all has been coming out from my mind lately, and I haven't even had the energy to walk outside the apartment. I'm beginning to understand why people always say that "the walls are closing in", because that's just what's starting to happen, and it's freaking me out even more.

I'm stuck at the usual point again - waiting for some response for an authority or a company, and it's always the same - everything takes an eternity, it seems. How fucking hard should it be to send someone an email, a letter or call? Priority number one is to get a response from Borås Bostäder about the apartments I have applied for, after that I once again have to get things sorted out with my unemployment fund... and my patience with things like that ran out a long time ago. I just want to get everything done so I can finally focus on creating some stability, if that's even possible.

I'm feel as lost inside my head as I feel outside of it, I guess I'm just having one of those breakdowns again, you know which ones I'm talking about.

And that's why I gotta stop now before I smash my computer to pieces from all the frustration of not being able to express myself.


We are nothing.
A lost cause for a lost cause.
The hourglass is a loaded gun.
Running short of sand.

Breaking every single mirror.
I'm burning every single letter.
You're fading with a hundred pictures on my walls.
We are nothing.
We're fading faster.
We're fighting for another lost cause.
And you're fading fast.

Now you're fading out with the pictures of.
Were fading faster.
Were fighting for another lost cause.
And you're fading faster now.
You're fading out like the pictures on my walls

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