Friday, April 10, 2009

One more day

01.00 AM, in the middle of nowhere, Sweden

"Dear diary."

Today I'm going to try and explain a few things to you. You've already heard me going on and on about how much music means to me, but just to make sure that you, and all the poor souls reading this mess, really understands that music is my way of life, my language, I'll explain it again.

There isn't a single second in my life where there is total silence. Wherever I am, whatever I'm doing, I'll still be hearing music in some kind of form. Even without playing it in my MP3-player or blasting it through the speakers, it's still there inside my head, a tune that won't stop playing, and that is constantly changing to whatever song, tune or melody that touches me in that moment. When I hear a song that gives me goosebumps, I play it over and over again until I've absorbed every bit of what's going on. I play it until I burn it out. A great song hits me on so many levels. I hear it as a musician first, dissecting the chords and parts, analyzing the production, the effects, and how the final product was crafted. It's like a puzzle that I love working on and that I have to understand. After I've put all the pieces together - which might take forever - I hear it as a fan. And as a fan, I take in the song or album's full impact: the message the artist is trying to get across and the emotion involved.

Music at its most basic and its most complicated is simply just communication. It is communication on many levels, from the heart to the mind to the soul. I hear melody first - of course I do, I'm a singer. The melody locks me in first most of the time, then the bits of the song that reflect my life some way. If a song is truly amazing though, it doesn't have to have a message, feel, or vibe that has anything to do with my experience of this world. If the singer, the guitarist or the band as a whole bare their soul well enough in those three, four, five or six fucking minutes, they will reach me. If the lyricist and the musicians are really, honestly, laying it down, I can feel it. And that is what music is all about: telling stories, no matter what they are, that hit the listener in 3-D: mind, body and soul.

It's no joke when I tell people that music to me is the most important thing I can possibly think of, it has come to the point where I'm no longer the listener, I live it, through every tone, every beat, every riff, every scream - I feel it in my veins, in my heart and in my mind. And that makes me so lonely in a way, 'cause I can't seem to find anyone who can share this feeling with me, and relate to that huge fucking love that I have to the tunes that surround my life. Maybe one day I'll find him or her, whoever it may be.

So I'm home at my parents house right now, going to celebrate Easter tomorrow with family and friends, and then go back to Falköping on Saturday night and get drunk as fuck. Join me if you like!

Night ladies'

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