Saturday, July 11, 2009

Take a number

2.33 AM, Borås, Sweden

Today's soundtrack;
  • Aerosmith - the whole "Honkin' On Bobo"-album
Dear diary,

Just came home from dropping off Marlene at the bus stop. She spent the evening here, helping me to bleach my hair, finally. The black color didn't disappear quite as much as I'd expected, but the hair at the roots is in a red color tone. Not very good looking, to be honest, but hey, beauty comes with a price. She'll maybe stop by tomorrow and apply some more bleach, so I'm gonna keep my ass inside for the next few days until I'm able to bleach off the awful red color.

Today's been pretty confusing, I woke up back in Småland, went to Borås with my father, he helped me put up some lamps and lighting along with some other stuff in the apartment. On our way to Borås, I started getting messages from Louis friend Gabriella who told me she didn't know about our relationship until now, and that Louis said she didn't want to tell her about it until she was sure of her intentions with it all. So the afternoon was spent trying to get things straight between us, luckily everything turned out fine. I had planned to meet Louis today, but for some reason I didn't, and now I'm feeling regretful. I miss her so much, I can't even understand how you can become so dependant on another persons intimacy just after a few days relationship... But hopefully I get to meet her tomorrow.

It's really strange you know... it seems like the whole world is opposed to me having a relationship. Every day I get hints and complaints from girls I know, or have been with before, who say they don't like that I'm not single anymore, and they blame Louis for "stealing" me from them. Hey, ladies, just because I was a slut before it doesn't mean I don't want to have a functional relationship with someone? This girl is so damn special it would be my biggest mistake so far in life to let her go, and I won't, not until she tells me she's had it with me. And yeah, of course all the other girls have tempting offers, and I can't say I'm not influenced by them, but this time around - I won't fuck up. Sorry, but I'm not interested in any of you any longer. I've wrecked too many relationships because of my selfish, jealous, fucked up mind, and I'm putting my whole soul into this. Bend or break.

My head feels like it's wrapped in thick layers of cotton... which of course could have something to do with the handful of pills I just stuffed into my mouth, but at least I can sleep without panicking from the fear and loneliness. I could sure use her company tonight to keep the nightmares away...

I'm just rambling. I'll let you go do something more important, instead of reading this bullshit. Off with ya.


1 comment:

  1. det finns ingen anledning att tänka på någon annan bortsätt från dig själv och louis. jag är glad för din skull och det är roligt att läsa att du verkar glad ! :)
    ta hand om detta.