Wednesday, July 1, 2009

No one's hero

04.02 AM, Falköping, Sweden

Todays soundtrack;
- VNV Nation - The whole "Matter + Form" album
- various L.A. Guns-songs

Dear diary,

I don't know why I keep pushing up writing in you. I could do it earlier every night, just to get it done, and I honestly try to write in you every day, but sometimes I just can't find the inspiration to put down into words how I feel about things. Anyway... today's been spent on sleeping, just as D-A-D put it, "I'm sleeping my day away". For sure. The plan was originally to go back to Småland today (read: yesterday, Tuesday) but I woke up far too late to be able to get on a train that would be there in time for my father to pick me up. But the evening has been quite enjoyable anyway, and I'm going back today (read: Wednesday) instead.

I've been talking a lot with Louis today... damn, that girl really makes me smile. I can't fucking wait until I can hold her in my arms, and lay down beside her at night, wake up next to her in the morning... I believe this boy is beginning to get a bad case of infatuation. And it feels so damn good. Another thing I'm looking forward to with moving to Borås is walking through town at night. It's something special about that town that makes me fall in love with it every time. Warm summer nights, walking through all the small parks, the residential areas, all the hills with the little houses and gardens, the industrial areas... just inhale the cool air, listen to all the sounds and noises of the city, cars rushing by on the freeway, laying down on your back in the soft darkness of a park, listening to that undefinable buzz that just seems to be hanging in the air, like a mixture of all the sounds of the life that pulses through the city. Watching the city lights from top of that hill where Tina first took me, then going downtown to grab a late night meal at McDonalds, and watch all the drunks fighting, and the other people trying to make their way home.

My love for big cities is probably originated from when I was a kid and we were visiting my grandmother in Jönköping. She lives in a residential area that lies high up on a hill, Dalvik, and on the road up there, at night, you get a full view of the central parts of the city. I was so fascinated by all the lights, spread out like a pearl necklace, and found it so beautiful. I used to think of every little light as it's own world, and dreamt of how I flied above the city, and dived down at every light just to see what the surroundings looked like down there. That special love for the city at night has been with me ever since, and I love just wandering through towns at night, taking in the atmosphere. Sometimes I do it alone, but nothing beats finding someone to walk with through the night, someone to talk to about life and pretty much everything. Most of my life's most memorable talks have been during these special occasions, and I'm always looking for new companions to share this passion with, so if you feel like you want to join me, just say so.

Also, this day has turned out with an unpleasant surprise. It seems that my "sun-condition" has become worse, and I couldn't spend more than a few minutes outside in the sun before my head started aching, my sight became blurred and my heart started pounding. I think I know what's going on, and if I'm right, I should be scared as hell. Not that anyone would understand, even if I told them, and I'm not planning that either so... yeah. It's all just fairytales and things mothers make up to scare their children. Things like that don't exist. We don't exist.

I have to stay awake until 8 AM, gotta make a call to Borås Bostäder and make an agreement to when I can get the keys for my apartment, hopefully they can give them to me on Friday when I move in, otherwise there's gonna be some problems. In the future... I see a cup of coffee and a cigarette. Later people.

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